I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
