I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
