your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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