Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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