Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
