Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
