How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
