im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
