I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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