no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
