just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
