my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
