Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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