it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
