I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
sarcasm needs its own font
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
