She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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