my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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