Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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