Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
