ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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