I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
