So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
