Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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