matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i out mim tonsoeep
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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