We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize