It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
