I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
