I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
