You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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