please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize