this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
