If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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