Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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