Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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