if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
