why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Found the puke drawer
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
