Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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