first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
