thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
