I wish I could teleport
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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