I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
