If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
