Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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