adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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