I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
