I wish I only lived at night.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
