She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
