Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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