don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
