It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize