On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Randomize
