just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
