yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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