Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.

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(903): View more from Texas

And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either

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(563): View more from Iowa

Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?

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(727): View more from Florida

In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.

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(210): View more from Texas

he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me

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(416): View more from Toronto

"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.

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(845): View more from New York

Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.

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(206): View more from Washington

So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.

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