Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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