Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
