Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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