On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
