you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
