He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
