Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
