I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
