My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
