There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
