i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just gift wrapped bread.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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