found the other keg... it's in the tree
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
