we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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