How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
