before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
