So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
