census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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