my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize