Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
