Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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