Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
