the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
