Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
