Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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