I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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