first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
