best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
