me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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