literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
