Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
