nut hugger
Umm I'm too high to move.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The feeling are messing with the penis
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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