If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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