the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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