I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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