so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize