she was so not down for the gang bang
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
