I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
