Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Pants are for mortals
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize