Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
