I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
