i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
