i think my mom watched the whole time
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
