i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
