PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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