I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
