chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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