So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
