get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
