Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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