Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Randomize
