Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize