we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
