ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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