Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
