i just wanna soil my oats bro
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
