her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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