she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
