what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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