3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
