he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize