WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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