Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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