some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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