I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
