Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
