thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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