Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
