I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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