i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
