you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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