I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
