In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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