he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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