It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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