just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize