a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
