It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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