Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
